mouthy_merc | Office Hours, All day Friday

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Office Hours, All day Friday

-because I have cancer! And I'm stronger than that!

Deadpool leaned back in his chair, enjoying the cinematic masterpiece brought to him and his lil' Canadian buddy by the Lifetime channel. It had been playing non-stop since yesterday and Deadpool was almost certain that it would snap Grope-y Mcbadtouch over there out of whatever was affecting him.

He didn't know much about magic and was just piecing together information from various movie he had seen over the years. It worked pretty well so far.

Unless you count all the times it didn't turn out so nice, of course.

[[ooc: For the skater, but open for others if they want - and I'm a spaz and keep forgetting, Jude being there is NFB]]

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-I have an eating disorder!-

Deadpool turned off the TV and looked at Jude closely. "And how are we doing my magicked up little attempted groper?"

"I didn't do it!" Jude gulped. "It wasn't me! I mean, like, it was kinda me but it wasn't 'cause I wouldn't!"

Standing slowly, Deadpool drew his knife and advanced on Jude.

Jude tried to scootch the chair back, his eyes wide. "You totally deserve to kill me for doing that to her but please let me live so I can apologise."

Deftly slicing the cut tape off without touching any skin, Deadpool put the knife away again. He tossed a candy bar in Jude's lap and leaned back against his desk. "If I was going to kill you, I would have done it in the tree," He said matter o' factly. "Now you and me are gonna discuss how exactly Rikku is going to see you. If ever."

Jude grabbed for the chocolate bar like he hadn't eaten in two days. Which, y'know, he hadn't. He briefly considered the possibility that Deadpool had poisoned said chocolately sustenance, but he had also said that he wouldn't kill him.

So around a mouthful of peanuts and caramel, Jude said, "Okay?"

There was a soda offered too now. He wasn't a cruel person. Much. Anymore. SHUT UP.

"Now I understand there was some kooky hijinks involving magic so I won't hold this against you."

He picked up his phone. "But I think Rikku should decide what to do with you."

Jude eyed the distance to the door, rather feeling like running away and hiding and never coming out again, ever.

"She's gonna hurt me again . . ."

Deadpool threw a knife at the door, wedging it shut in case of any escape attempts.

He dialed the number and set it to speakerphone. It made him feel important.

Rikku was looking over her notes from the library and wondering whether or not she could actually piecemeal together some sort of working ritual from the different parts. And wondered if maybe that was a sign, and ... phone!

Rikku scooped it up with her usual flounce. "Hello?"

Deadpool paused. SHit. He hadn't actually thought this one through.

"Hi Rikku, it's your favoritest mentor." He squinted at Jude. "So, what would you say if I told you Jude was no longer crazy?"

Rikku stared for a second. "I ... what?!"

"Say there was some sort of spell and now he's all better and if he wasn't he'd be a small hunk of flesh at the bottom of the ocean."

"You said you wouldn't kill him!" she squeaked. "A ... a spell?! I don't understand. You mean he was ... it wasn't ..."

She took the phone away from her ear for a second and squeezed her eyes shut. And took a few deep breaths.

"It wasn't Jude? When he was ... the other night. It wasn't him?" Her voice was both relieved and shaking. "R-really?"

"From what that Phale guy said, yes. Though he did call me his dear so I'm not sure if that was just to get into my pants or not."

"Phale guy? ... Jude called you his dear!?" Well, if he couldn't get any from her ...

"No, no. The British guy called me his dear. Jude is eating a candy bar- er... Is not evil anymore."

Rikku closed her eyes and sat down on her bed. "Are ... are you sure? B-because you said ... you said all g-guys are like that, and ..."

She needed a long moment to shake a bit again. And not cry. Her voice, when it came, was small. "He's ... there? Really?"

Deadpool sighed. "I said all guys were, but not like that. That was some after school special kind of making me want to castrate people stuff. If he wasn't like that before, then he wasn't going to be."

"I ... he wasn't. Isn't. That's why it was so ... it was like a bad dream or something." She shuddered again. "You ... you didn't hurt him, did you?"

Eating a candy bar meant he probably still had all his intestines. That was good.

There was a small pause. "No. I didn't hurt him." But his tone implied he wanted to.

"Thank you," she said softly. And meant it.

There was another pause. "So, how did you ... find out about ... what's he doing there? I don't ... understand."

Deadpool ignored the question because it would make him talk about things he wasn't in the mood for.

"Should I let him go?"

"Let him ... go? You ... you weren't going to?! But you said it wasn't his fault, and ..."

Her eyes widened. "Is he tied up?!?"

"Not presently, no," He said slowly. "And if he makes you upset, then the whole not hurting thing goes right out the window."

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the_merriest - 2007-04-07 03:35 (UTC) - Expand

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