mouthy_merc | Barjnov, Rumekistan - Saturday Evening (Reply)

	Barjnov, Rumekistan. Deadpool was almost certain that there was supposed to be umlauts somewhere in that name. He wasn't quite sure where. All those strange squiggly letters had a tendency to cause his attention span to go far, far away. And now, staring up at the GIANT stone sculpture of Nathan Christopher Summers, he was thinking it was a very bad idea to bring Arashi with him. "Should we get a picture to match your giant face on the side of a mountain?"
	Arashi looked over at Wade with a flat look, before turning his attention back to the statue. He wasn't sure either if it was a good idea to come with, but he wanted to know more about Wade and his past - it would help things between them a lot. "Not to match, but if you want a picture of it, I can understand it. He was your best friend, wasn't he?"
	Wade went still, looking up at the statue. "Yeah, I guess," He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Just thought he'd be alive again by now. I mean, how long does it take for some stupid plan involving clones or aliens, or alien clones to bring him back already?"
	The ninja rolled his eyes at his husband and looked at the writing on the statue's plaque. "And you call my world weird."
	"'In memory of Nathan Dayspring Askani'son, a cable that linked a dark past to a bright future.'" Standing at the foot of the statue was a weasel, or rather a Weasel, grinning beneath his giant glasses. "The Rumeki got kinda sentimental. You should've seen the flowers."
	"WEASEL!" Deadpool shouted excitedly, bounding forward and grinning like a moron as he went to hug the man. Well, not really hug, more like put into a headlock and give noogies to. "NOOGIE!"[
	Arashi looked over with a raised an eyebrow at the weasely looking man who appeared at the foot of the statue, seeming unphased until Wade jumped at the man and proceeded to pull out his hair with his knuckles. "Friend of yours?"
	"WADE!" Weasel spluttered, but years of being the kid that got picked last in gym class made it impossible for him to escape the well and thorough noogie he was getting. So he rode it out until Wade let go, brushing over his hair momentarily to get it back into its old spiky shape. "I knew you'd show up here eventually!" he said, grinning. "...And did you SEE the Strifenova Celestial finale?!"
	"With the Skrull--my bad Toastons and hottie blond chick? Puh-lease, I could have predicted that was going to happen ages ago." No, he couldn't. There might have been a small bounce that Deadpool would claim was just him checking his footing. Yes. Didn't want to fall over. "What have you been up to? Other than being a sadder person without my bright presence in your life?" And it wasn't so much that he forgot Arashi was there as he was just far too excited to run into Weasel here. Weasel was bringer of weaponry and the best drinking buddy of all time.
	Arashi pretended like the snub didn't matter. Nope, it didn't matter one iota. Arashi was way too mature for that. I mean it was only fair after all, this was probably how he'd acted when he and Wade had gone to Konoha right? Right, it's all good. He continued to look at the statue and sighed. His face on the mountain was much bigger.
	"Oh, please," Weasel said, dropping his backpack onto the ground, "If she wasn't blonde I'd think Queequeg was a Summers." He spared another glance at the statue, "...No offense. Oh! I've been working on this awesome new Penetraitor teleportation harness for HYDRA! They made me sector commander!" The grin came right back. "And I met Bob! He says 'hi', by the way."
	"The HYDRA agent with the blog?" Deadpool asked, thinking back. He really did need to check up on that. Then it hit him... "Penetraitor?" Okay, so maybe Deadpool was secretly a 12 year old boy but he just had to snicker at that. Come on! Think of a more suggestive name! You couldn't without going to a MAX title. And no one wanted to hang out with the Punisher. "Arashi," He managed between ~~giggles~~ manly snickers. "Penetraitor."
	"I don't get it," he blinked. Okay, so he did. But he could act like a twelve year old too, just a petulant one.
	"It's a teleportation harness!" Weasel declared, offended. "It penetrates things! Like other rooms and highly guarded military installations! And anyway, it's spelled with an 'i' which changes everything."
	"If I have to save your ass from some SHIELD agents because of your love of poorly thought out names, I will be so upse-" Deadpool stopped suddenly, head cocked to the side. Weasel and Arashi might recognize this as his 'I'm so angry I'ma kill you because it's a good way to work out this rage in a healthy and constructive manner' face. He reached up behind his back, grabbing the hilt of one of his swords, drawing the blade suddenly. "Not in the mood."
	Arashi was watching the conversation and immediately caught the change in Wade and frowned deeply. "Wade? What is it?" He asked, his hands twitching for his own weapons if they were needed.
	Kneeling on the ground and halfway through opening his backpack, Weasel glanced up, staring at Wade. "...Uh-oh," he said, before noticing exactly what - or rather, who - had grabbed Deadpool's attention. "...oh crap."
	"I'm only here to pay my respects," Scott Summers, Cyclops of the X-Men, said as he stepped up towards them. "The way a father should for a fallen son."
	"Hey Arashi!" Deadpool said with a sudden cheer. "You thought you were a bad dad? Meet Scott Summers, otherwise known as Cyclops, leader of the X-Men. Oh, and Nate's dad." Giving Scott a sharp, brittle grin, Deadpool continued. "Who all left him on the island when they really should've tried to help. Because then there wouldn't have been a need for the giant statue of Nate and his oversized naughty bits there."
	His hands shaking in his backpack, Weasel was rifling through stuff at an alarming rate. And then rerifling them. And then going back and rerifling the rerifled stuff. All the while muttering "Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap."
	Arashi looked over at the man behind him and gave a small nod of acknowledgement; even though the frown never left his face, he, at least, wasn't going for his weapons like Wade was.
	Scott nodded back, before turning to Deadpool. There was a small frown on his brow. Not that it was very visible, what with the full uniform get up he was in. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. "It was... complicated."
	"Complicated?" Deadpool asked, grip tightening on the sword. "Sure, you just tell yourself that. Maybe then you'll be okay sleeping at night." He advanced on Scott, moving away from the other pair as his daddy issues took control. Damn backstories. "Fathers don't pull that shit."
	Scott's eyebrows went up. "Have you met my father?" He rubbed his brow and sighed. "I may not have been the best father, but I did try, Wade."
	Deadpool frowned, thinking of the eldest Summers. "Okay, but a step up from space piracy isn't much."
	"It's something," Scott argued, partly because he agreed with Deadpool.
	Space piracy was just wrong on so many levels and they both knew it. It was something that deserved some sort of PSA warning kids about it. Looking away, Deadpool sheathed his sword. "Shoulda been there."
	"Complicated," Scott repeated. It was always complicated. He hesitated. "I hear you're at Fandom now..?"
	"Yeah, yeah." Wade frowned down at the squiggly lines. "Who told you that? Was it Emma? Look, I know she has this thing for me since Valentine's Day, but just let her know that it can never be."
	The was a long pause from Scott as he tried very hard not to think about what Deadpool had said. "How is she doing? She sent me postcards but they weren't very informative."
	"Oh, the usual," Deadpool replied. "Teaching the kids how to knit dildo cozies, hitting on mounties, fighting crime." A beat. "Okay, so some of those might not be true, but I'll just leave it up to you to figure out which ones."
	"She's not fighting crime, is she?" Scott did know Emma better than that, but that meant that... He visor-palmed. "Dildo cozies? Really? Why?" He wasn't going to ask about the mounties.
	Causing X-Men to facepalm would always cheer Wade right up. Almost more than shooting at people or drinking. "Something to do with home economics, I don't know. Though I have to admit, they were pretty festive looking."
	"That's... nice." All right, he was going to ask about the mounties. "So, these mounties you were talking about..."
	"Mountie. Singular." Deadpool waved dismissively. "And don't worry, he smells like maple syrup and Wolverine after he's been running around doing that beserker thing he's so very fond of."
	Somewhere behind that blue mask and the visor, there might have been an expression of relief. Emma had never seen overly fond of Wolverine or maple syrup. ...Chocolate syrup, on the other hand... He coughed awkwardly and stared at the nearest thing, which turned out to be his son's crotch. He sighed.
	Because no one with the last name Summers can catch a break when it came to relationships. Ever. Deadpool joined Scott in looking up at the statue. But not the naughty bits. That would be silly. And... wow those were some overly large naughty bits. "Kinda thought he'd be running around again by now."
	Scott glanced over at him. "That doesn't happen to every mutant. Some really do die."
	"His last name is Summers," Deadpool said, giving Scott a disbelieving look. "You guys just don't die. You go away for a bit and then reappear in some new and edgier costume."
	Especially Nathan Summers. He had a history of these things. In fact, for just a moment - a blink, if you may - he flickered into being, arms crossed, standing by the side of his own statue and regarding both Cyclops and Deadpool with a contemplating eye. Which flashed in a plotting fashion.
	"Like tha-" Wade said, gesturing toward where Nate was... then froze as the image of Nate flickered out. "-at." He frowned. "I'm really getting sick of this," he grumped.
	Scott scanned the area Deadpool was waving at. He didn't see anything special. He gave him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"
	"Nothing," Deadpool said, still frowning and looking over toward the statue warily. Like Nate was going to pop back up any second now. Jerk.
	Scott nodded slowly.
	He was Deadpool, he was so allowed to be mysterious and crazy sometimes. It was part of his contract. "So!" He said with an exaggerated cheerfulness. "How are things? The wife, the other kinda kid?"
	"Still dead, and in space," Scott said dryly. "Thanks for asking."
	Oh yeah, that was a great awkward pause there. "We could talk about space piracy again, if that'll be easier. I'll go first! I think space piracy is a crime and shouldn't be tolerated in the youth of America."
	Scott did not smile at that, and anyone who said he did was a liar. "What are you actually doing in Fandom?"
	"Teaching!" Deadpool replied, sounding greatly hurt that Scott would imply otherwise. "Children, you see, are our future. So I plan to teach them well."
	Even Scott's visor looked horrified. "You're what? That's a joke, right?"
	"Hey now!" Deadpool gave him a disgruntled look, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm an excellent teacher."
	"Of what?" He couldn't help asking, even as he feared the answer. The X-Men had had some strange teachers over the years, but this was Deadpool.
	Deadpool grinned at his reaction. "This semester? Feminism!"
	Scott stared. He had no idea what to say to that. He stopped staring at Deadpool after a minute or so, and looked up at the statue of his son. "Did you ever meet Nate?"
	Deadpool just kinda stared. "You mean Nate Nate, or that weird not!Nate from some alternate timeline without the T.O. virus?"
	"The latter, yes," Scott nodded.
	"Does seeing Nate as a kid count?" Because why the hell would he associate with the wannabe Nate? That would be like Nate hanging out with Hayden. Even if the bastard did get Sandy and that hottie Outlaw working for him. (Bastard.)
	"They're not the same person," Scott pointed out. He'd never discovered what HAD happened to Nate Grey. He tried to remember his other son's origin. "They're not even clones. As far as I know. I think."
	"Looked just like him when he was doing that aging thing after the first-- or was that the second time he died and I brought him back? Second." Deadpool nodded. "I'm pretty sure it was the second. With the Skornn, that's with a k and two n's, and Sinny."
	Scott gave him a bemused look. "Sinny?"
	Deadpool rolled his eyes. "Oh, you know. Kinda goth looking, enjoys cloning people with the last name Summers..." If this was a comic book, a light bulb might have popped up over Deadpool's head. Because now he had an idea. Oh yes he did. Please ignore the crazy grin now.
	"You call him Sinny?!" Scott didn't even know why he was so surprised. "You haven't said that to his face, have you?"
	"Well he did put an arm through my chest, I think we've grown closer. Enough that a cute lil' nickname is okay." Oh, flashbacks to baby Nate... Deadpool shook his head. Eew. Flashbacks. "And he did try to drug me for nefarious purposes..."
	"Don't take it personally," Scott said comfortingly. "He does that with everyone. Emma said he needed -" to get laid. "-therapy."
	"Puh-lease, everyone we know needs therapy." Deadpool tilted his head to think that over. "Of course, that would mean group therapy and I'm thinking it would only end in multiple deaths. And that crazy ass Speedball kid getting hit for his stupid outfit. Seriously! What the hell is that all about?"
	Scott was getting flashbacks of years of dealing with Jubilee. To ward them off, he nodded towards their companions. "Who's the blond?"
	"Husba-" Deadpool stopped suddenly and stared. "Wait, you mean Emma hasn't gossiped about this to EVERYONE?"
	"Gossiped about what?" Scott said confused. "She sends postcards but they only say how very well she's doing."
	Deadpool looked more shifty than normal, glancing around the area for something to change the subject to. Only Scott's dead son. Damn. Already covered that topic. "My husband," he coughed.
	There was a long pause again. "Your WHAT?! ...Just how close were you and my son?" Scott added with sudden suspicion.
	"You know, just because I have a husband now and Nate and I had a close friendship in which there was a lot of strange and funny feelings that made me all uncomfortable like with those nubile Young Avengers, and we had a tendency to try and keep each other around despite the attempts to control and/or shoot each other in the head..." Deadpool paused, losing his train of thought. "Well... it doesn't mean anything was going on there. At all. So... yeah." Well, this wasn't awkward at all.
	Scott moved a hand up to the side of his visor. Much like if he was debating blasting Deadpool through the nearest mountain, and if the nearest mountain was several miles away? Well, so be it. "You have a husband already? Cable's only been dead for a few weeks!" Never let it be said that Scott wasn't a hypocrite of the first order. "What kind of loyalty is that?"
	Why did people always pull guns on him or threaten him with crazy mutant powers when they think he's dating their kid? Deadpool's hand went for a gun, not pulling it yet, because it wouldn't be nice to shoot Nate's Dad here. "Hey! First of all, not a couple, damn it! Second... Madelyn Pryor!"
	The hand dropped back down as he frowned. "Low blow. She went crazy, you know." Like that made it better somehow. "Tried to sacrifice Cable to demons." The Summers clan made for awesome parents, yes.
	"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huge trauma and blah, blah, blah, exposition, blah, blah." Deadpool turned away slightly, looking up at the statue. "You done with your guilt trip now? I have a class to write up tonight." Total lie, but... Angry dad. Eeesh. He had enough issues with that, thanks a bunch.
	"I... Yes." He looked up at the statue as well.
	Deadpool sighed. "Yeah." After a long pause, he finally turned away from the statue and started back over toward Arashi and Weasel. "Lemme know if he randomly comes back to life again." (If my plan doesn't work...)
	Scott nodded. He watched him walk away, and then did some mysterious X-Men related thing and was gone.

	Arashi continued to frown, but the frown now had a slight confused twinge to it as he watched Wade and Cyclops was it? This was more than a little uncomfortable and reminded him a bit much of when he and Kakashi had argued.
	"It's nice to know he's still coping as well as he always does," Weasel muttered, his gestures a little less panicky than before. He finally found what he was looking for with a joyful shout. "I knew I'd packed the Cheesy Puffs!"
	"Yeah, Wade does manage to find his own way through things," Arashi sighed and looked between them and the man next to him. "You've known him a long time?"
	"Oh, I've known him for ages," Weasel said, pulling the bag open with some effort. Or at least he tried. Mostly he seemed to be pulling on the bag a lot. "I never manage to get these-- I've been his weapons monkey pretty much since day one, y'know? You hang out."
	"That makes sense," Arashi nodded with a small smirk knowing Wade's fondness of weaponry. He held out his hand to offer to open the bag for Weasel. "I think I've heard him talk about you before."
	It took Weasel about six seconds to decide whether his manly pride was worth opening the bag. He handed it to Arashi afterwards. Cheesy Puffs beat pride any day. "I'd be kinda insulted if you hadn't, I mean, that's no way to treat your best bud. Oooh, did he tell you about the time in Chicago with the tuba?"
	Arashi quickly opened the bag and handed it back to him. His pride not letting him ask if Wade talked about him at all. He got the impression he didn't. "Tuba?" He laughed slightly. "No, I don't think he did."
	Weasel dug into the bag with relish. Snacking and speaking were, in his opinion, perfectly combinable skills. "I got these tapes, see, these Blues Brothers tapes? And we may have gotten a little drunk. It was awesome." He may have been spraying chips everywhere. "...Until I woke up the next morning and Wade had to bust me from jail, anyway."
	Like all stories that Wade seemed to be involved in or told himself this one was incomplete and didn't explain everything. "That sounds like Wade's idea of a good time," Arashi nodded and looked over at the other two.
	"Yeah, well." Weasel frowned, "That was a long time ago. You'd think this whole not-killing kick he's been on since the Cable thing would've cut back on the amount of time I spend getting shot at, but nope." He popped another one of the puffs into his mouth, "On the other hand, no more getting stabbed in the leg for eating all the snacks."
	Arashi wasn't sure what to say to that at first. "Wait, which Cable thing?"
	Weasel blinked. "You've been around Wade for the past who knows how many months and you don't know about Cable? Nathan Dayspring Summers, Jesus Patton, wannabe saviour of kittens and puppies everywhere? Dies a lot? Big statue?" He glanced back over to where Wade was. "...You know, it's been like five weeks and he hasn't tried to bring him back to life yet. Maybe he really is coping." Yeah. Right.
	"Oh.... Nate. Right, I didn't realize that he went by another name. No, I know about him," he finished lamely and looked between the statue and Wade. "I know about them very well."
	"It's the way of our world, my friend," Weaz said. He had Cheesy Puffs and nobody was shooting at him: throw in some hot naked babes and he'd be in heaven. "Everybody's got to have a codename. You think Weasel's my real name? My real name's not even fit for an AIM handle." Chew, chew. "It's probably a good thing," he said, thoughtfully, "Maybe if we keep him dead for a while the lesson might actually stick. Nothing wrong with a healthy sense of self-preservation."
	"Yeah, he is lacking one of those," he frowned and leaned against the statue. Nate wouldn't mind, right? Well, Arashi didn't mind at all.
	After working for Wade with Cable after a while (and, of course, being alive in the present) Weasel had developed somewhat of a paranoid fear of insulting the guy to his face. Leaning up against the statue may be one of those things if he happened to come back to life. "Well, he's a Summers," he said, cautiously, "They kinda got a revolving door in the afterlife with their name on it."
	"I've heard that too," Arashi nodded as he felt the pit drop out of his stomach.
	"Cable in particular is not really the staying dead type," Weasel continued cheerfully, unaware of Arashi's discomfort. "Of course, the past couple of times that was mostly 'cause Wade went resurrection-crazy within the first two weeks and dragged me across the country to get shot at for no cash benefit, but by the looks of things he's finally past that phase."
	"Interesting." This was all making Arashi all the more uncomfortable. "Wade does tend to do crazy things like that."
	"It's a little unhealthy, if you ask me," Weasel commented, despite nobody really asking him. "Codependency on a whole new level. Cable dies, Wade brings him back, Wade goes away, Cable pulls some stunt... Not that I, y'know, had a problem with those two being buds, it removes one more threat to my health, but it's just kinda weird. Actual weird, not just Queequeg dying weird."
	Whatever the hell Queequeg was. Arashi frowned deeply, in a dangerous looks could kill sort of way. "Yeah.."
	"They were like blood enemies for ten years, y'know? You knew what was gonna happen if Cable showed up in these days, which is to say there was a mild chance of evisceration with further escalation to dismemberment later in the day." Not that he missed the violence. "Then boom, they're friends and Wade gives up the killing thing? Really, really weird." He threw Wade and Cyclops another speculative look, then shrugged. He offered the bag to Arashi. "Cheesy Puff?"
	"I'm not hungry." He frowned and looked over at them as well.
	Weasel threw him a strange look. "They're Cheesy Puffs," he said, "You don't have to be hungry for Cheesy Puffs."
	He really should have expected one of Wade's friends to be like this. "I'm sorry, I just don't feel very well. Did Wade ever tell you who I was?"
	Looking at the guy, he... didn't really ring any bells. "What was your name again?" Weasel asked.
	"Arashi, Arashi Uzumaki." He was taking that as a no. "Wade's husband."
	"Huh." That was all that Weasel had, really. He glanced away from Arashi again. "Well, that explains a lot."
	"Does it?" Arashi blinked.
	"Nah, I'm just saying that because the conversation's awkward and you've obviously never watched Strifenova Celestial." The bag of Cheesy Puffs was almost at an end, so Weasel tipped it back to get the optimal amount of flakes.
	"No, have you ever watched America's Next Top Model?" Television was a safe topic.
	"Can't, anymore." Weaz stared forlornly up at the bag, as nothing was coming out, "Forehead's too big."
	"Heh, yeah it is. But it doens't seem to stop them from coming out with new seasons," he pointed out and continued to look over at Wade, willing him to come back.
	Not noticing the whole 'staring after Wade' thing was above even Weasel's power of oblivious. He squatted back down on the ground, stuffing the empty bag into his backpack with a mourning sense of loss. "I think he sees it as a hobby," he commented. "Bugging Cykes about being a bad dad, I mean. He should try branching out; the entire Summers clan makes for horrible parents. You can kinda tell by all the ridiculously overpowered sun-swallowers and space pirates and benevolent dictators in that family." He looked up at the statue Arashi was (unwisely, in his opinion) leaning against. "...Again, no offense."
	"So I've heard, makes me feel like dad of the year or something," He shrugged.
	"Has your kid ever swallowed a sun?" Now Weasel was interested. "'Cause that's all kinds of awesome, unless it's our sun, of course, in which case it's bad and I don't want to die yet."
	Arashi blinked. "Not that I've heard of... but he does have a demon nine tailed fox sealed inside of him that he can draw power from." Still probably didn't compare to swallowing the sun though.
	"Demon fox? I guess that works," Weasel said, pushing his glasses closer to his face. "Not as cool as sun-swallowing, though. But then I think you really gotta be a Summers for that. They've got that whole 'Phoenix force' thing and everything." Yes, he was using finger quotes.
	"Phoenix force? That sounds like good times there," he said sarcastically. Anything involving supernatural creatures was never good, Arashi knew that from experience.
	"If you like sun-eating and crazy people destroying public property. Then again, those Summers do love their crazy people, so I can kinda tell where that comes in."
	"Ahh, well, Nate was friends with Wade, so I guess that makes sense."
	"While you're here, you might want to stick to 'Cable'," Weasel pointed out, eyeing him. The leaning was bad enough. "I think he might come back and break us with his pinky finger if you don't." That wasn't true, but having lived in a world full of codenames for this long, Weaz liked to make sure about these things. He kinda preferred being alive. "Or at least people will know who you're talking about. Kinda like Wade and his Deadpool thing. 'Wade Winston Wilson' doesn't really inspire fear in the hearts of men. You have to go with something snappy." Like 'Penetraitor'. That was totally snappy, no matter what Wade said. "Like... uh... You could be Ninja Boy!" he said, "No, no, wait, retro is totally in these days. Ninja Lad!"
	Deadpool wandered back over to the pair, catching the tail end of the conversation. "Ninja Lad? Weasel, you're not allowed to name things."
	"Awh, c'mon, Wade, it's an instant classic!"
	"How about we stick with Yondaime?" He replied blandly and then looked over at Wade with a smirk. "Winston?"
	Deadpool turned and stared at Weasel. "You didn't."
	"I was just giving an example!" Weasel yelped, scuttling back.
	Arashi chuckled. "Don't hurt him, Wade. I think it fits. That whole alliteration thing."
	Frowning, Deadpool turned away from Weasel. "Tellin' people about the Winston thing. See if I ever TiVo any shows for you again," he muttered. "What else did he tell you about?"
	"Nothing incriminating!" Weasel piped up, but it was mostly in the background. He was sliding slowly backwards towards his backpack, zipping it up before Wade could kill him and get blood on his new harness.
	"That was the only thing I found interesting," Arashi shrugged and totally lied.
	Giving them both a look that clearly implied he didn't believe that, Deadpool nodded anyway. "Come on, let's get going before more of Nate's family pops up and gets all weird on me."
	"If you're deciding on pulling another pro bono stunt, Wade..." Weasel said, still not entirely convinced about this whole 'coping' business and swinging his backpack over his shoulder, "Don't call me. It's murder on the accounting."
	"I'm ready," Arashi nodded, not saying it too quickly.
	"Say hey to the folks for me, Weaz!" Grinning like a loon, Deadpool grabbed Arashi by the waist, despite not really needing to. It made the whole bodysliding thing very action movie-y. "Bodyslide by two!"
	Weasel stared after them for a moment, then shook his head, stalking past the statue. Yeah, that was going to end well. He popped his cell phone out. "Hey Bob, Agent of HYDRA! You have no idea who I just ran into! Did you get the Playboy channel at your pad yet? I'm sorry about the divorce settlement..."