25 Unicorn Lane, Wednesday Afternoon

[mouthy_merc]

Why yes, the house was still filled with colorful balls and occasionally a certain red clad mercenary would wander off to dive into them, which did not make for the most threatening ambiance, but his office was still gone.

Stupid aliens, didn't even have the common decency to let themselves get shot by him.

And that thing was still at Arashi's house. He couldn't even watch TV there anymore!

This did not make for a happy Deadpool. No sirree.

He poked at the duct taped (Quite possibly the best adjective ever! Or is it an adverb? Oh, Schoolhouse Rock where are you when I need you?) figure, trying to get him to wake up so they could start the requisite fun happy threatening times. "Wakey wakey!"

[[OOC for a certain minion dater who knows who he is.]]

Comments

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff's head shot up as if he'd just been electrocuted. "I'm sorry!" he would have shouted, desperately, "I didn't mean to! Please! Not the boys!" if he hadn't gotten half a roll's worth plastered all over his mouth. Instead he made squirmy sobby noises, face red and eyes squinted shut.

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Which just brought him back to that one job in Prague... Man it had been far too long since he had any fun like this.

"What? I can't understand you, enunciate! Eeee-nun-sea-ate!" Then he noticed the duct tape. He blamed the ballpit's distracting presence. Really. "Oh, right! Massive amount of tape. Hold still."

Now he really would have just yanked it off but it was wrapped pretty thick and would mean he'd have to unravel it slowly. Or break the kid's neck with a sharp tug. Which he didn't want to yet.

Though now the thought was there...

No! Situation at hand!

He pulled a knife, cutting just deep enough to slice though the tape on each side of his mouth and pulled the tape away quickly.

(Oooo, that had to hurt.)

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"...'Cos I swear I haven't done anything yet so you don't have to get out the cleaver it's not Junior's fault please I'm sorry I'm so sor--"

Jeff's eyes opened up. He stared at the insane man in the red pyjamas holding the really sharp-looking knife. It took him a few seconds to react, but then his expression slipped into 'incredulous'. "...You're not my mother," he said.

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Well that was a new reaction to a good old fashioned knife threatening.

"Good, I don't think I want any more kids from the future popping up. Though Kid and Karyuu were pretty cool..." Deadpool shook his head. "You don't even have a K name so this is all a moot point. Minion! Dating!" He waved the knife to emphasis the point.

(Ew... puns.)

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh," Jeff said, grinning broadly. He was so relieved he could taste it. "Sorry, I thought this was something serious. Mothers, eh?" He could totally wiggle his toes under the duct tape. "There's minions?" he asked, "Does the island house supervillains? That's excellent, that is."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Oh, come on! Scary guy with a knife! How was this not utterly terrifying like with Jude?

"I don't think we do, but there is that doctor who looks like a dreamy movie version of Doom, though, from what I gather, he doesn't refer to himself in the third person OR use any fun fonts. But that last part may be because it's harder to do here. I miss my introduction font," He added sadly.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Sixteen years of living with his mother had left Jeff with an entirely different interpretation of the word 'terrifying', which is to say it mostly featured women and common household items.

"You win some, you lose some," Jeff said, his tone sympathetic. "My roommate's been depressed all week 'cos a dinosaur sneezed on him instead of fighting him properly. I imagine somewhere someone's getting all this excess stuff, you know, with the laws of thermodynamics and everything, something's got to compensate." He would've gestured at that if his hands hadn't been duct taped together.

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

That sounded much kinkier than it probably was.

Deadpool nodded thoughtfully. Yes, that could very well be true. "And all I'd need to do is find this person and stab my font out of them, you think?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"That's one way of looking at it," Jeff said, "Of course, it might just evaporate and turn into heat. Thermodynamics are funny that way. Often not much in a social context, though I've been thinking a bit. I think they may be applicable in the area of breast comparison. I mean, how else do they stay balanced?"

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

They couldn't have that happen. He liked the yellow boxes and red DEADPOOL when he was introduced in a fight.

"Bras. Or corsets. Not very comfortable, let me tell you. But without them they just bounce and it's pretty painful." Why yes, that was a voice of experience. He kinda missed being a hot girl. Even if Tex and Rosette had refused to do any fun lesbian action with him.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Well, Jeff filed that away into his mental folder of information, where it stewed for about twenty milliseconds before he spoke again. "Must be special, then, bras," he muttered, "It's a bit like breast-sized energy-matter converters, isn't it? You could probably incapacitate the entire female gender with the press of the right button."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

That was... almost logical. "But where would the fun be in that?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"There's purposes," Jeff said, making a lewd expression before pausing, thoughtfully, "Although I imagine the fun bit would get sort of absent. It'd be a bit like talking to your magazines." Which Jeff didn't do at all. Honest!

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Nor did Deadpool. At all. ...moving right along!

"Plus it's more fun when they're active in the process." He stabbed at a ball, wondering why he had the knife out to begin with. He mental replayed the conversation. Kinkiness, fonts, boobs, Duct tape... minions?

"Turtle!" Yes, that was why they were here!

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Otherwise it's just a chorus of women chanting 'pervert, pervert', isn't it?" Jeff agreed. Then paused. "What?"

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Turtle! It seems you're dating my minion!" Though, because that first bit couldn't be ignored. "What kind of magazines are you reading? Mine never do that."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Did she say that? Did she say it was a date date?" Jeff asked, "I said that and then she made me stop, so I figured the second one didn't count, but if she said we're dating then perhaps we are..."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Not in so many words." Or any at all. Actually, she might throw something at him for this. Or kick him. She kicked hard. "But there was dating, correct?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"The first one was definitely a date," Jeff nodded (or attempted to, anyway), "I remember 'cos I asked her out on accident. There was dinner and everything."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Ah-HA! So you admit it!"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff blinked. "It was on the radio," he said, "People told me. I was scared 'cos my mother might hear it. She says if I'm ever in a room alone with a girl she'll tape me to a chair and make a woman out of me."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool paused, looking at Jeff as he was taped to a chair and at the knife in hand.

"I'm still not your mom."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I know," Jeff said, "If you were there'd be a miniature guillotine."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool pouted a little. "I want a miniature guillotine..."

"So, this isn't terrifying you into being good with minion on dates at all?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Honestly?" Jeff said, wiggling his toes again. That felt funny. Possibly because the tape was cutting off the oxygen going into his limbs. "I think she's got that angle covered. With blades and everything. She even sent me a dog just to make sure."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool's shoulders slumped a little and he poked at a ball distractedly. "Damn." He slashed at Jeff, cutting through the duct tape in one quick motion. "Could you at least pretend to be frightened?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff got up, brushing tape off his arms. "I do have a lot of experience in that area," he said, "I could just close my eyes and think of apples. ...Is that what I think it is?" He stared at the balls.

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"Apples?" Deadpool asked. "No, that's a ballpit. Long story that involves breast pumps and wedding showers at which I never received a panini press."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"You know apples," Jeff replied, "They're very tension-inducing." He wandered over to the ballpit, staring at it. "I get worried sometimes they're going to come and smother me in my sleep."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

This town was just making everything topsy-turny. He was supposed to be the confusing one here, dagnabit. "You're a strange kid, you know that?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"I'm not that fond of the word 'balls'," Jeff said, "It always makes me feel oddly inadequate. As if my mother is laughing at me behind my back and waving oranges about."

He looked back. "Oh, sorry about the ranting and everything. It's been an odd sort of month. I think the phones are moving in for their master plan, and my mother's been calling me a lot. I think it makes my roommate nervous."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Nodding slowly Deadpool took a casual step away from Jeff. "Okay then. Do you have some tragic story about oranges killing your dad or something, because I haven't heard on in ages. Oo! Will there be flashbacks involved?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Oh, no," Jeff said, "I'm certain my mother was joking about that. I found the certificates and everything."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

And, for some reason, that made Deadpool feel better about this kid dating Turtle. Strange that. "Good. Good. You just run along now and avoid those oranges."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Thanks. I'm doing the best I can," Jeff said, walking to the door, "But they're tenacious. You never know when you're going to end up in a room with a fruit arrangement. You've got to check for realism, it puts people off."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Well now, that just made Deadpool all hopeful. "Does that mean you break the fourth wall too?"

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

Jeff paused at the door. "I hadn't really thought of that," he said, philosophically.

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

"And now you will," Deadpool replied, nodding sagely. "Join me! Together we will break free from these comment boxes and take over!"

...Sometimes it was really best to ignore what he said. This? One of those times.

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"It's a bit like that television series about the seventies with the bloke who keeps talking at the camera, isn't it? You should teach a class," Jeff nodded. "I would TA that."

[mouthy-merc.livejournal.com]

Deadpool stared.

Turtle needed to marry this boy. Now. Okay, not now as she was too young and that made stabby thoughts pop back up, but he was certainly on the list of okay to date. Like Alec.

"Maybe I will... Maybe I will."

[scary-jeff.livejournal.com]

"Well, it's been nice meeting you," Jeff said, "But if I don't leave now I think my dog will come find me and, well, I don't really want to talk about it." He opened the door. "See you."